When The Life Gives You Lemons
by Maoriel
Summary: Pour their juice on the wounds of your enemies. Or a story about why you shouldn't do as drunken Aerith Gainsborough says.


"To be honest," Aerith began, stirring the tequila in her glass and then swallowing it in a single gulp. She made a face and leaned forward, her emerald green eyes unfocusedly roaming on Tifa's face. "I always thought, that when the life gives you lemons, you should pour their juice on the wounds of your enemies."

Tifa quirked an eyebrow.

"I've never thought that you were so violent."

The green eyed girl shrugged.

"Comes with being raised in slums. Also, you are the one who says that you shouldn't judge a book with its cover."

"But I'm not judging you by your cover," Tifa complained, "I know you since we were crybabies in diapers. I didn't know that you had a dark side."

"Everyone has a dark side," Aerith slurred, "never trust anyone if they say that they don't..." she smacked her lips, "that they don't have one. I have dark side. It's so dark. I mean, I can kill a man, you know. I swear that I will kill a man. If they hurt you. I will kill Rufus, that bastard broke your heart. Just tell me and I'll kill him," Aerith stood up on her feet and her dark haired friend quickly caught her arm as she wobbled and almost fell on her face, "that bastard didn't deserve you. How could say that you shouldn't worry about that hot blonde when he was banging her behind your back. How could he. Hold my flower, Teef, I'm gonna wring his neck."

"Well, thanks for reminding me that," Tifa mumbled and firmly grasped her friends wrists, struggling to keep her in a place, that was surprisingly hard since drunk Aerith was very strong and aggressive Aerith. "Whoa, there, Tiger. There's no need to be so aggressive even if that asshole deserves to be flayed alive." She muttered.

"And dunked in the lemon juice," Aerith slurred.

"What's with you and lemon juice?" Piped in Yuffie, who was being awfully quiet. She stared at the struggling duo with bleary eyes. "Do you have a lemon juice fetish that I don't know?"

Aerith blinked.

"It's just hurts like a bitch when you pour it on the wound."

"How do you know that."

"It was an accident! I had a cut and it was hurting like a bitch and then somehow I rubbed the lemon juice on it and then I was screaming like a cat with its tail stepped on." Suddenly her face lit up. "Oh, I know, we can put paper cuts on them and then drown them in the lemon juice."

"That's awful, Aerith and it means something, coming from me."

"You know, it kind of bothers me that Yuffie is being the voice of reason while Aerith tries to dunk my ex in lemon juice."

"Drown," Aerith corrected while Yuffie nodded vigorously.

"I know right and hey, excuse me."

"Nothing personal, Yuffs, just stating the facts."

Yuffie huffed and leaned backwards, crossing her arms over her chest.

"So, what are we going to do now?" Aerith opened her mouth, but Tifa quickly covered her mouth with her hand.

"We are not going to kill Rufus, Aerith." She paused. "Even if he is a cheating asshole."

Aerith nodded and Tifa removed her palm from her mouth. After a minute she still opened her mouth, only to Tifa to cut her off before she could say something.

"We aren't going to kidnap him and flay him alive either."

"That's actually not a bad plan," Yuffie said thoughtfully, "we can pour some salt on him."

"I'm being concerned that I'm your friend."

"You guessed what she was going to suggest, Teef. Stop playing to be innocent, you're as bad as us."

"We can..."

"No, Aerith, we are not going to cut off his family jewels."

Aerith pouted.

"I was thinking to crush them but cutting them off isn't bad idea, in my honest opinion."

"Aerith, no!"

Aerith only pouted harder. Yuffie sighed and put her feet on the table. Tifa frowned at her.

"If we aren't going to maim your ex-boyfriend, then what are we going to do?"

"Get wasted?" Aerith suggested.

Tifa opened her mouth only to quickly close it.

"Actually, that's not a bad idea."

* * *

It turns out, that getting wasted was very, very bad idea.

Tifa groaned and rolled on her side, smacking her lips and rubbing her eyes. Her head felt like it was going to blow up and her mouth tasted like something crawled and died there while she was sleeping.

Rolling on her side was also bad idea, because now the sunbeams were shinning directly in her face like an annoying projector and worsening her headache. She rolled on her stomach and groaned in the pillow.

Someoned echoed her groan with an answering moan. With a deep, distinctly male answering moan. Too deep and male to be Aerith or Yuffie's moan.

Tifa blinked and stiffened. What the...

Her hand silently crept down, slipping beneath the sheath that covered her body and carefully exploring the flesh underneath it.

She felt how her own fingertips touched the bare skin, barely feeling the goosebumps under them. She was naked. Completely naked. She cracked her eye open, examining the white walls around her. There were pictures on them, a large mirror standing in front of her where she could see her bedhead, confused expression and blond tufts beside her. Tifa glanced the body next to her - not bad, Lockhart. At least, he was cute.

'Breathe,' her mind ordered to her, 'it's just a drunken hook up. No strings attached. No need to freak out.'

And then something cold and hard dragged on her skin, petrifying her whole body.

Tifa pulled her hand out of her covers and examined it, her eyes momentarily zeroing on the golden band that adorned her ring finger. 'Okay, you can freak out now,' her mind allowed.

And Tifa Lockhart promptly screamed.

* * *

 ***raises from the coffin* guess who's back?**


End file.
